Sunday, February 16, 2014

Does his love make your head spin?

Happy Valentine's Day! 

I know many people are gonna feel really bitter or think I'm being one of the ordinary girls on this special day doing typical couple shit because they don't have a date or something, and believe me when I say I totally get it. I'm not the kind of girl who goes on expensive dinner dates, like I have absolutely no knowledge or whatsoever on fine dining and all those shit. I don't need flowers, I don't need expensive gifts. And, there's also one thing: Every girl says all of the above.

I think some girls (my hands are up cos I'm one of them) say these because they've never received flowers (I have though, just not the next two), never been on expensive dinner dates or gotten expensive gifts. Or maybe, they did, but they're idea of a perfect Valentine's day are just not yet fulfilled. And for my first Valentine's day with Jon, he did all of the above.

He came over to my house one hour before the time we were gonna meet, so I was rushing and he was rushing me like fuck just look at his tweets he was rushing me but I wasn't ready yet so he began our Valentine's day pissing me off and making me sweat in my nubra, but it's ok he made up for it. ugh *rolls eyes at you fucker*

I met him outside my house, and he gave me a lot of things in a Citigems gift bag. He first handed me a white rose which he claimed to represent purity and innocence, and I believed him. Then proceed to make me read a letter he wrote, then lastly handed me a Citigems packet. I swear when I saw the Citigems bag I wasn't excited or anything because I thought it was just a bag he used to keep all the things in, then I got scared because I realized it could actually be something really from Citigems. Then I was nervous and excited because I have something in my mind that I want, but I don't wanna guess what it is so I won't be disappointed. Just, a lot of thoughts were running through my head and it took me a long while before I picked up the courage to open it and there it was. He bought me a necklace!!!

You probably can't get a close view of it but nevermind, you'll see me wearing it every single day from now onwards so yeah. I know people may never think of me as someone who would want a necklace, or anything jewelry of that sort, but I've always wanted to have a necklace that I could wear everyday, from someone who means a lot to me, so the necklace could mean something special. I watch movies or shows and I see people getting paranoid when they lose like their bracelet/necklace/anklet/ring or anything, and not saying that I want to lose this necklace he bought for me, but I want to feel like I can actually keep something that means a lot to me. Like, I want to be paranoid and anxious if I were to lose something this precious too. And now I have it. I may not be able to relate this to you very well, but nevermind I'm just happy I've finally got what I wanted hehe.

So Jon came over to my house for CNY visiting on the last day of CNY coincidentally, and how sweet of him to get a pink rose for my mom too!!! My mom was super pleased with his gesture, and it turns out it's the first rose she's ever received in her entire life (apparently my dad is not a romantic guy). Like, really, Jon made a mark in her life and my mom might just have a tiny crush on him.

We sat in the living room for awhile before we left the house.

He looked sad so I felt like I had to look sad too lol

We took a long bus journey to Harbourfront, then went to take the shuttle bus to RWS. I do not wish to comment on the transport fares we spent. Jon made a reservation for Hard Rock Hotel at 6.30pm and we were there like an hour and a half earlier so we got a Starbucks drink. The Starbucks staffs were just making me really really shy by saying we're the cutest couple they've met the entire day but we weren't even doing anything. Ok ok this was unnecessary but please just let me say it. We then went around to look for Hard Rock Hotel and before the International Buffet starts, we had a few drinks and chilled at the bar outside the Starz Restaurant. We tried this drink that caught fire and it was so cool, like I wanted to scream and stare at it but apparently we had to drink it fast and all that and at the end of everything I was just wondering why the glasses weren't charred and why the plastic straws didn't melt or anything lol I think I think too much. After awhile, we went in and started on the buffet. We did not have anything to eat the entire day except drinks, leftover cny food at my place and chips at the bar, but then again we have fucking small appetite that we're bound to lose out no matter how hard we try at the cheapest buffets. We tried almost all the food available except sushi and staple foods (rice/pasta/noodles all that). We tried lots of seafood and were disgusted by a few different types of oysters, but the prawns were so freaking good. The dessert was good too. I could not quite remember what else I ate, I think partly because I've been to better international buffet in Korea but then again, it was satisfying and we really ate our fill. I also went to the toilet for a few rounds of shitting session so I could have enough room in my tummy to eat again (this "logic" does not make sense because shit is stored in our rectum but I don't care). 

Jon foot the bill for the sumptuous dinner and we got a teddy bear for free. The poor bear suffered lots of torture cos neither of us wants to hold the burden bear. I had a small pouch and Jon is a genius for not bringing any bag. The bear survived the night though, even throughout clubbing at zouk later in the night.

We later cabbed to Gardens by the Bay because my beloved boyfriend got tickets to the Flower Dome (or something I'm not very sure) and the cruiser ride (which turns out to be at another location). But it turns out that the Flower Dome closes at 9pm, so we decided to just walk to the free entry area for the show or something which was really magnificent. People were just randomly lying down on empty spots on the ground to admire the lights, so we did the same in an awkward location like right smack in the middle but we don't care. We watched the lights change colour for awhile and decided to make our way to zouk to meet our friends.

It was extremely difficult to get a cab at Gardens by the Bay and we finally got a cab after like half an hour of waiting and our cabbie was being really frustrated and vulgar which made me kinda scared. Haha just kidding not really I'm fearless. Met Marz, Karmen (or however her name is actually spelled as) and a few others like I swear everybody just decides to club on Vday night like why…but the music was horrible (imo) it just wasn't nice. Or maybe because I puked out everything after like 3 cups of alcohol and I felt dizzy and just wasn't in the mood. Jon and I headed back to his place later where I spent the night there. And we had work the next day and surprise surprise, I can actually fit into his jeans which made me really depressed no actually not aha I needed a belt or the pants would just fall off. 

Ok I'm just really tired

 blogged on 12 February 2014

I just read Joey's blog post on "the four letter word" and just because I've been feeling like this since the first time I fell head over heels over someone, and now it's been intensified, I wanna blog about this too.

To answer Joey's question that "Love is a scary thing, isn't it?", I would say yes, absolutely and definitely. Love is scary. When you were alone and independent, who would have thought that a completely stranger could come along and made you feel the way you've never felt before. We all know feelings, we know sad and we know happy, we've all felt it. But love is something that not everyone feels. Love strikes you like a lightning bolt, and changes you into someone you thought you'd never become, good or bad. You were doing just fine all by yourself, and someone came along and made you realize you could be better, then someone leaves you and made you realize you could be worse than you'd imagine. 

I don't know how to tell people how I know when I love a person. I just know it, like I could love him forever. It's like his eyes will always melt my heart and his voice will always make my heart race. And I will always crave his touch, I will always crave for him. You miss him like crazy, and when you finally get to hug him, it's like the whole world stops. It's crazy, and it's stupid, but it's nice. Being in love is a crazy thing and the only scary thing is knowing you could one day lose your entire world that you defined in a single soul. 

I've never understood how people could lose feelings for the other. Don't we all remember day 1 of your relationship, when both parties were so eager to begin the journey of being together, to commit to each other? What happened to all the happy moments you had? You don't just wake up one day and decide you don't love someone anymore. You don't give up just because things are hard. Maybe I don't understand because I've never been in the shoes of the people who lost feelings for the other, but I believe I did not lose feelings because I tried and I fought and I didn't give up and I expected the other party to do the same. Isn't it unfair?

I see relationships fall apart like that and I feel that people don't even know how to love anymore. And you'd tell me, it's people like me who will always get hurt and I'll say I'd rather be the one getting hurt than knowing how it feels like and doing it to others. There are people who take relationships seriously. People who want to be with you because they know they love you, and will love you forever. You don't just step into a relationship with a doubt, then step out like it's a game. 

You'll say, they will move on. Like, look at me, I've found better and I'm happier. No, no, no. At that moment, I needn't be happier, I needn't be better. I believed I was the happiest I could be. Things could stay the same. We could fight and quarrel, then kiss and make up. We could do that all over again, for the rest of our lives. But one gives up, one thinks it's not worth it, one feels tired, one stops trying and he walked away. I risk all the misery I've felt to fall in love again and I believe Jon will not disappoint me. I may be in denial and I may not be, but I am happy so let me be. Being in love was never the same with Jon. He calls me beautiful and he tolerates, he worries and he surprises me. He made me realize what it's like to be loved indefinitely. 

I think love is scary because it's a beautiful thing people fail to understand and appreciate.

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