Friday, October 19, 2012

Your love is my drug

People may be smiling but you have no god damn idea how much they're hurting inside. Some people are just so good at hiding them, but they can't hide forever. Everybody hurts, everybody cries. Sometimes I feel that life is so unfair, that the one who gives more gets hit the hardest. I guess I kept too many things from myself, too many, such that even I'm deceiving myself. I thought it was all about trust, I trusted you, really. I tried so hard to bring myself to trust people all over again. How silly was I? People kick the trust I have for them around like it's some kind of bullshit that doesn't deserve to be appreciated. Really? It isn't the first time I trusted the wrong person. Maybe I was just too gullible. I thought they were worth my stupid trust.

It's crazy how one phone call flipped my life upside down, from a smile to a frown. It's like all the pieces of puzzle began to fall into place, unfolding a mystery that I couldn't bring myself to believe at all. Maybe my friends were right, I should stop defending you. Everything was a big, big lie. You lied to others too, who was I to think I'm special enough. Maybe I thought too highly of myself? Or maybe, really, I just trusted you too much. Honestly, up till now, I can't believe you made such a big lie. You know how I feel? I feel that to you, I'm not worth being honest to. In fact, you made me feel as though I'm actually not worth anyone's honesty at all. 

Gotta quote this from Maria: "People come into my life just to leave." I persuaded her to think otherwise, but it seemed too relevant to me now. I really don't know what to feel anymore, except being sad.

You didn't have to leave like this. We didn't have to end up this way. I still chose to believe you have your reasons. As silly as I may sound, I still wanna trust you. I guess this is what love has done to me -  delusional.

I struggled really long deciding whether I should post this. I kept this as a draft and posted the last post instead. I guess it's time I face reality. It's been a month now, what was I doing?

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