Saturday, November 30, 2013

Butterflies with punctured wings

I did it, I conquered so many things and I feel so accomplished. It's amazing, it feels so amazing I don't even believe it. Two days ago marks the end of my A'levels examinations, but it feels so much more than just that. It feels like the end of the life I never wanted but had to live through. All the mugging (it's not even studying), the people around me, the school, I don't know. I don't mean to say that college was horrible for me (well because it turns out I met the guy of my dreams there, and of course my friends) but it was just not for me. It was torturous. From being the top few students in secondary school to rock bottom in college. I wasn't even kidding when I say rock bottom. I hit the bottom 5 percentile during Mid Years and was the 8th percentile for both Maths and Biology during Prelims 2 this year. Well you can say "hey it's not that bad at least you weren't 0 percentile", and I'll tell you that's the only thing I can say to myself to make me feel a wee bit better about my results. So yeah, at least I wasn't the last for any subjects. I have never passed my Biology in college, believe it or not I used to be top in class for Biology in secondary school. I can't even remember how being the top for anything feels like anymore. Shut up if you've never been the top for anything and thinks that my life was actually a lot better than yours but I'm just being a whiny little bitch because it was due to my past accomplishments that raised the expectations of what people have on me and you can't even imagine the pressure. You can't. For 2 years, all I felt was never being good enough. I don't know if whatever the college is doing with us, students, are gonna work but we're gonna find out when they release the results, which I'm dreading because hoping for a huge jump from grade U to A was too hopeful for me. But that aside, because A'levels are finally over and I believe those who conquered this A monster deserve a nice long break away from studying.

So after my last paper which was Biology Paper 1, I walked out of the exam hall smiling. Took my bag, dumped all my shit inside and rushed downstairs to meet Jon where I did a dramatic koala hug on him and gave him the best kiss of his entire lifetime while the students outside the hall act as spectators. We made a long list of what to do after A's and the first was to head down to yishun to thread our brows cos he had never done it before and was rather curious to try it. Then we went to his place to catch up on our favourite tv series, The Vampire Diaries, and called it a day. It takes awhile for me to realise that I don't have to study for the next 8 months and honestly I'm still not quite used to it. But I believe this is what freedom feels like and I'm going to embrace it with all I have and spend it wisely, especially before Jon enlists into NS.

I want to thank Jon for always being there for me and tolerating me whenever I vent my stress and anger on him. We studied everyday at Starbucks from morning till night and I'm always stressing about my studies, sometimes resulting in us quarreling. I love how amidst all the studying, he was still able to make everyday enjoyable for the both of us. You're not only a lover, but a keeper, and the best companion I will ever find. Thank you b I love you.

-Misguided Ghosts by Paramore

This is the other thing I conquered besides A'levels. I've been wanting to get this quote inked for so long (way before I met Jon) because it means so much to me. I was sensible enough to decide to do it with someone I hold close to my heart, and umm experienced as well. I didn't know what to expect but I knew it would hurt. Before everything began, my tattoo artist (Aric) started wiping my ribs with some antiseptic if I'm not wrong, and shaved my non-existent hair on the ribs with a really sharp razor which explains the vertical red marks below the quote, and told me to be ready as tattoo on the ribs hurts more than the rest of the body. I was really nervous, just hopping around the store, but I knew I wanted this. Aric did the quote from the end to the front, and the very first moment he placed the needle into my skin, it feels like...something is cutting my skin, literally. I twitch my body occasionally. I would control myself if I could but the pain was excruciating and what pulled me through was the meaning behind this tattoo and using my imagination to direct the pain elsewhere. Throughout the process, a million thoughts crossed my mind, and it was good. It was good to have something else to focus on rather than the pain on my ribs. I was imagining tattoo-ing the vagina cos that sure as hell would hurt a lot more, or piercing the nipple, and imagine giving birth, and imagining that my big toe is itching like fuck and I can't scratch it. I was using 2.4km as a guide as well, how the run is always so torturing but I still finish running them eventually without any shortcuts because I could opt to use the numbing cream for my tattoo if I can no longer take the pain but I chose not to, cos no pain can kill me and no pain will. And as the literal meaning of this quote says, "Now I'm told that this is life, and pain is just a simple compromise." I swore to myself to always remember this pain and will never put myself through that again. But the rest of the people in the store (all with almost full body tattoos, including Jon) disagreed with me and claimed that I will go home and admire how beautiful my tattoo is and be excited to do the next one again. Haha, we'll see about that cos I'm not too sure myself either.

He's more interested in all the make-up products than me

So after I got my tattoo we headed to Yew Tee to get Tequila and Jim Bean and head back to Jon's place and await Pai's arrival while we watch Premium Rush in bed. Pai arrived around 10pm, just in time as we finished watching the movie, and it felt just like old times. I missed him so much I can't imagine how his life would be next year without us. 

Warning: following pictures are taken after I downed two cups of tequila and excuse me if you're thinking my alcohol tolerance is weak, because I suffered blood loss in the afternoon and I'm anemic. But actually, yeah my alcohol tolerance is quite low...and these boys tortured me HAHA

Following pictures are taken on Graduation day (or before). I figured this post is about end of college for me, so here goes.

Mr Yong, Maths comedian

Sharon (haha her name is actually not Sharon but we're just disturbing I can't remember her real name now)


LELE!!!!! (Le Jie)




What I have to deal with everyday in school HAHAHAH (Shuen and Bat)

4 years of being classmates with Jiao Wei (his name is actually Jia Wei), best classmate ever


Awkward Gabriel but really nice guy!!!

Chaisim, Chem rep and BASKETBALL MVP (had to add this to make all the girls jealous of me hehe)

Joe, cutest Thai in school

Ek Kheng

Mou, hehe

Lastly, my best boyfriend in the world.

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