Friday, March 29, 2013

I've fallen for your eyes but they don't know me yet

Hey people, I'm back. I'm really sorry I haven't found time to blog, I don't even have time to study HAHA. But today is an exception because I just received a request on Formspring for me to blog more. For a moment I just felt like, yeah I really neglected my blog for too long, and I had the feel to blog but when I started sorting out the pictures to post, I realised I have TOO MANY things to blog about. Hahah. I also realized people have been constantly checking my blog for updates and for some reason I felt really apologetic. I swear I love my blog and I really wanna blog but as some of you would have guessed from my previous blog post, I wasn't entirely in a well enough state to talk about my life. But I am now!! 

I know we're almost 1/4 into 2013 but it's never too late to make resolutions right? I've never really blogged about having resolutions and stuffs but I decided I might as well give it a try this year. So my resolution is simple, short and sweet and that is to "Live Life". Yeah that simple, but not as simple to achieve. In my opinion, to live life is to go all out to have fun, no restrictions, no boundaries, and most importantly, no rules. People keep telling me I've become wilder this year, it's true. Maybe I just wanna have fun, party hard and forget things that upset me. But part of it is also to gain new experiences. I'm only 17, going 18 this year, and there's a whole new world out there I haven't stepped into yet. Am I ready? Will I be? By the time I grow old and on the brink of death, will I have done everything I want to? I may not be able to do everything I want and live life to the fullest right now, but I can always start. Some people are scared to try new things and that's perfectly normal but it's not okay if you keep letting this fear get in your way. I always think that if your life goes too smoothly, something is wrong. Yeah, life is THAT weird. Believe it or not, those obstacles in life - you need them. I wanna look back at my childhood and think, hmm I lived my childhood well. I don't wanna look back and think like, I should have done that. I'd rather think oh god why did I do that. HAHAHA. Of course there's Alevels for me this year, and I'm going all out for it. Especially after I got my first A for Chinese this year, I'm more than motivated and determined for the rest of my subjects. Then some of you must be thinking, "wanna study and party how to live life like that." HAHA, exactly my thoughts previously. But things are different if you have awesome study mates! 

Photo taken at Phuture with all my party mates! I love how I look ridiculously happy in this picture HAHA.

With Eunice that night
With Yuping that night
Hmm, so what else have I been up to this year? HAHA, I have so many things to talk about I'm honestly don't know where to start. 

I just returned from my CCA trip to Thailand during the March holiday with my teammates. Many things happened there and I wouldn't say it was an entirely enjoyable trip. But then again I got to see my bestfriend for a few nights and nothing beats the time I spent with her there. I missed her so much, HAHAH I always do. And I cried when I saw her, righttt I always cry when I see her too. HAHAHA. From this trip I realized that time exposes people. Time makes us see people's true colours. And that you can run, and you can try to hide, but you will be found eventually. I realized how selfish people can get. In life, people will do anything to hurt you and bring you down. And you can go on and think about how miserable your life is, about how unfair God is to you, but eventually it's just the bad things you do getting back at you. That's what I kept telling myself. I don't have it easy too, my life isn't a smooth-sailing ship. I bump into obstacles, I cry, I break down and there are times I hate myself. There are times I wanna die because I think it can end all the misery. But I stopped blaming on the things around me, the problem could only be myself. It takes alot to move on and accept things the way they are in the bad way, but eventually you have to. I mean I did, and now I'm happy with my life. Though there's still alot of things that I want to ask for, but my current life is really satisfactory. I wouldn't ask for more in exchange for anything I have right now. I learnt that you cannot be greedy, because the more you have the more you have to lose.

Nothing much for now, maybe I'll leave you with a quote.

"It’s a wonder I’m even alive. Sometimes I think that. I think that I can’t believe I haven’t killed myself. But there’s something in me that just keeps going on. I think it has something to do with tomorrow, that there is always one, and that everything can change when it comes."

And a photo of myself HAHA

Can't promise when is the next time I'm blogging but I'll try to blog whenever there are pictures and interesting things happening. Meanwhile, you can always catch up with me on Twitter (@TANXINPEI). And I update my tumblr regularly these days cos I just got an iPhone. Still, I reiterate I'm not an iPhone fan HAHA, I got it cos I was too desperate for a new phone and I'm a samsung noob.

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