Thursday, January 19, 2012

The whole world's scared till I swallow the fear.

(All pictures taken from Pantita's facebook)

9 January 2011
The day we collect our Olevel results!

 Siewming and I
 Maria, Sheela, Stall 8 uncle & auntie (my favvvvve) and I
 Ooooh shit I forgot his name... Wait, I think it's Azri. LOL
 See me on the stage? HEHEHE
 I look so reluctant to leave the stage. In fact, I AM reluctant. HAHA
 At Sakae Sushi (Sun Plaza @ Sembawang)
Me and Hongye 
Me and my bestfwen (Pantita)
HAHA, I really dont like to call her Pantita. It's either my bestfwen, or Pan. 
 Xintien and I
(camwhoring with Pan's dslr, huhuhu~)
 *gives bitchy winks*
I have big eyes okay! 
The Happy Dying Kid
(I look like I have leukemia...)
The Saint 
The Wife Who Got Abused

HAHAHA, funny how we can have so much fun with just a beanie. Cheap thrills. 
Loving this photo <3   
Pan and I trying on high heels at Forever21.
 I dont wear heels btw, I can't walk with them. D: 
Argh, two consecutive photos with pout lips = annoyingz. Agree? 
The four of us! <3 
 Opps, can't keep my mouth closed cos I'm sexy like that. HAHAH jking, but I dont know why my mouth must hang open like this.
Pan look like some superstar model. HAHAHA 

Right, anyways the photos are just half the reason why I wanna blog. I wanna blog about the day we collect our olevel results. I dont know what you will be able to take away from reading this, but I just wanna say something to those taking their olevels this year, and those we already have taken their olevels. I hope I can motivate or inspire some of you tho! HAHAHA, ok I said I HOPE. Not saying I definitely will ok.

Yeah it's true that everyone made sure they looked their best that day cos it's prolly gonna be the last time we're seeing everybody together in school again. I took a really long time deciding what to wear eventho my wardrobe is officially too full for new clothes. HAHA, I hate to say that it's cos I shopped too much at bangkok...but it's true. Well anyway, I thought I looked presentable. Not too bad right? HAH, I can put it off with long pants as well ok! Doesnt mean I have skinny legs, I can only look nice in shorts. NONOOO *shakes finger and head*

Anyway, when I stepped into WRSS, I felt very different, yet familiar. Familiar cos it used to be (kinda) like my second home for 4 years. And different cos I felt as tho I had nothing to be afraid of anymore. I mean, principals, teachers, OM, whatever shit statuses you have in that school, it's none of my business. I dont know if some of you felt the same way, but I felt so great and comfortable. I dont have to escape the nasty rules in the school, avoid teachers for fear of being caught in inappropriate attire and stuffs. I walk into the school and call Mr Chong by his name, Jack. Cool or what?

However, all these feeling of superiority came to an end when I heard Eddy got 11 for his L1R5. I mean, yes, I got worried. Eddy was the top student for Prelims 2. If he got 11...then what about me? In fact, what about the rest of our school's population. So in my heart, (ok you can blame me if you think I'm being mean, I felt mean as well but I'm just being really really honest here) I was hoping that Eddy was not the top scorer. In fact, I dont get these people. WHY MUST THEY ASK FOR THEIR RESULTS FIRST? Argh. Too weak to take the suspense with the rest of us uh? GRR, k lah, just kinda mad because they made me worried sick.

I know people would come to me and say that I actually have nothing to be worried of because I already dsa-ed into ajc and stuffs, but lemme tell you, I HAVE ALL THE RIGHTS TO BE WORRIED. Doesn't mean I got admitted into ajc, I can throw my results aside. You know why? Because I have something to prove. And that 'something' kept me fighting. Since I was sec one, I told myself that I'm gonna get fucking good grades and show everyone not to judge me by my looks. Cos people thought I look like ahlian (or wtv). But I never managed to do that, cos...
  1. When I got 4th in cohort in Sec One, they showed the Top Three on the big screen.
  2. When I got 4th in cohort in Sec Two, they still showed only the Top Three on the big screen.
  3. When I got 11th in cohort in Sec Three, they showed Top Ten on the big screen.
  4. When I got 6th in cohort this Prelims, they showed Top Five on the big screen. (On grads day)
You know the feeling? The feeling when you're just so soooo closed to being recognised. I dont know, but that feeling sucks. And the fact that I never got recognised led Mrs Kok to never recognise me as a student who can produce good grades. After Prelims, Mrs Kok caught my attire and told me that the reason behind my poor grades is due to my bad attire. (And yes, she mentioned poor grades when I'm the sixth in cohort.) I asked her what does attire have to do with results, and she said bad attire reflects bad attitude, and hence bad attitude towards studying as well. I remember everything she said. So clear, and that day, Sheela was right beside me. She heard every single thing as well.

I wanted my name to be on the big screen so bad. SO BAD. I told myself that I had to do well for the final lap (Olevels), then I'll confront Mrs Kok and tell her that bad attire doesn't equate to bad results. I mean, yes we all need to be properly attired, but associating bad attire with bad results is just wrong and senseless.

So that day we assembled in the hall according to our class and register number. It felt kinda nice to be sitting beside Yingjie again. I mean, she sits beside me in class, and behind me every morning during assembly. So that day, (trust me, I really hate to say this, but) it's kinda gonna be the last time we'll sit together like that again. K, I dont wanna start this sad-that-my-friends-are-leaving-me thing again. HAHAHA. Anyway, there's this whole bullshit talk that I can't even remember, which led me to forget to pass up my SGC...The suspense was already killing us, whatever the teachers are gonna say will NOT, I repeat, NOT, get into our head. Or rather, this applies to me lah. HAHA. OK, then they showed this overall passes and distinction thing, argh fuck it lah. I dont really care about that cos it just made me more worried. Then.... they showed the Top 3 in the cohort. Yes, I can say proudly that I'm very very happy for my friends who did well. But to be honest, I really hated myself then. I was very disappointed. Yeah, I expected myself to do better I guess. Kelly was sobbing when she walked to the stage. I genuinely think she's the best student I've ever met. I mean, she's fun-loving and bubbly, and good in studies too! She'll be my role model.

Then they flipped to the next slide. I was really hoping to see my name, and YESSSSS. MY NAME FINALLY APPEARED ON THE BIG FUCKING ASS SCREEN. Seriously, I was mad freaking happy. I just ran to the stage without them even calling my name. I kinda snatched my cert from Mrs Kok's hand, but well, I was too happy. I was crying, er crying quite carefully in case my tears stain my cert. HAHAHA. And at the instant, I wonder if anyone was surprised/shocked to see my name. I dont know, maybe I didnt look like someone who can study? I (abit) hate the fact that I'm still stuck with forth placing, but I'm happy lah.

To the students taking Olevel this year, I wanna wish you all the best. And please have a goal in mind. You have something to prove. If you're already getting good grades, you want people to know that the good grades you got are not by accident (tyco) and prove to them that you have the ability to maintain your good results. And for the questions that you have doubts with, please please please clear your doubts. You cannot afford to have question marks in your head before entering the examnination venue. I was so glad I cleared my doubts about the Nlevel History paper, because my Olevel History paper came out the exact same thing. If I hadnt been so persistent in doing that essay question again and again, I dont think I can get that A1 for combined humanities. It's also about luck, but luck only takes up 1%. 99% goes to hardwork. I'm not born smart, people around me can prove that I really worked hard. And you will feel that your hardwork is paid off when you see your results. ALL THE BEST GUYS!

To the students who have already taken their Olevels, I still wish you all the best regardless of your results. Because you still have somewhere to go. No matter where you are, you still have something to prove and somebody to prove to. If you didnt do well, it's okay to be sad/disappointed. But dont be sad for too long. IT'S UNHEALTHY! Excessive crying can cause blindness, and nothing bad that happened to magically turn right. So pick yourself up now, and tell yourself "As long as I'm still walking, I can kick those asses in my way."HAHA just kidding. But remember, it's not whether you want something or not, it's about how bad you want it. You really want it so bad? You gotta sacrifice something. But I have to say that there's one thing you can NEVER EVER afford to sacrifice, and that's your friends. Well, and another thing. It's true that "Only the strong shall survive.", but doesnt mean you're strong you can't get your asses kicked. HAHA, just something I learnt from watching a few inspirational videos. I shared some of them on my facebook. Ok. wishing you guys all the best again! :D

Hey Zena, you've always been a cheerful ball of sunshine in our class. Honestly, I hate those days when you were absent. Lessons just seemed more boring, and the time seemed to be taking forever to pass. I'm not even kidding, I think the whole class will agree with me. I know some of our classmates may think you're disrupting the class, but I feel that you make lessons more enjoyable. I still remember the days when you cried cos you felt that you failed as a chairperson and kept disappointing Ms Siti. I think you're a great chairperson. It's so natural for you to speak up in class. I wanna tell you to be yourself. I dont care what other people think. You dont have to change to please them, because there are still people (like me) who love you for who you are. Btw, I (taurus) hate changes. If I can have one wish, I wish for everything to stay the same even after 10 years. I hate seeing people change, esp from good to bad. Or rather changing from the way I prefer them to be to something I don't. I dont know, but just be real, be yourself. I wish you all the best! Big boss love you.

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