Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Crimson lips and permanent kiss, you love me


I know I'm a little late for New Years greeting, but I could do it in December and it'll still be 2014. And since my best friend is being a lazy ass and not uploading the photos we took in Bangkok using her DSLR yet, I'm gonna blog about the New Year, 2014. Every year comes across as "new" to us especially or should I say, only at the beginning of the year, but I feel like it's really an opportunity for us to start afresh. Like, it's a brand new year, we get to say 'I haven't had fast food this year/The last time I had fried food was like..last year?" HAHAHA, I do that. I remembered vividly doing a post on  2013 New Year last year about this time (which you can click here to read) and my resolution was to really just enjoy myself. And one year had past by in a blink of an eye, and I think I'm ready to check that off the list. This means, yes, I really did enjoy myself last year, and I had a lot of fun. I realized now that it's not that difficult to just "Live Life" (quoted from last year's entry). It's like, you wanna do something, just do it.

I would like to credit this quality (which is debatable among different people on whether it actually is a quality or not) to Jon, whose most prominent quality, needless to say is "bold". I've never met someone quite as bold as him, brave, daring. It is really admirable, how when he wants to do something, he do it right away. I was the kind of person who would hold my pee in the middle of the night because I was too scared too lazy to go to the toilet, while he is the kind of guy who gets up straight away and pee like what's there to be scared of and er, what's lazy lol (on a side note, he is awfully hardworking in studies it's almost unbelievable). Btw that was a really terrible explanation hahaha cos it makes his boldness seem so trivial but okay I actually have a perfect example. Being together with Jon, I had seen him done two new tattoos, the owl and the guy fawkes mask. He came up with a design, and booked an appointment like the very next minute. I'm not even kidding, he did not even contemplate. He did not think about the training he was gonna have the very next day or pe lesson when he's gonna have to sweat, neither did he think about school rules, parents, (not exactly a good thing which was why I said this quality is debatable) he didn't hesitate at all. While for me, I wanted to get my tattoo for ages, for more than a year and I never got it until only two months back. And I'd say, Jon gave me the strength. It's like he shared a part of his boldness with me. It's amazing, and so comfortable to just do whatever you want without a care in the world. And it's not easy because many people can't do that. People who can't do that are either too responsible, or thinking too much. Do not fucking categorize yourself in "too responsible" unless you've never littered once in your entire life. And voila, people are just thinking too much. 

I'm not making you sound like a bad person for thinking too much because I was that too. I thought about so many things (that I can't even remember now because it probably was too minor, probably parents, money, where how etc) and I could easily list many more reasons why I wanted to get my tattoo so fucking badly and I knew that I was gonna get it sooner or later so why not then? And now I thought back and wondered why I didn't just go ahead and get it. I think it's crazy how overthinking kills you. 

And if you observant people noticed I said "was" (I italicized it) in the second paragraph was because I believe I no longer am the coward little girl whose afraid anymore. Not just about doing things, I believe I'm a lot stronger in many more aspects. I believe if a random dude were to come and try to punch me in my face because I elbowed his girlfriend by accident, I would punch him in the face first before he could touch a single strand of hair on my body. Lol kidding Jon would punch him before I even knew I elbowed the girlfriend. (side track: I really wanna learn muaythai but I need a partner) I was never bullied before, except verbally cos they insulted my small boobs but what now I'm a 34B ok. I just think that I am not the girl I used to be, the girl who would break down for months and months and get myself anorexic (eating disorder) and depressed because someone left her, because she thought she has no friends. Just no more okay, I vow to never be where I was before. Looking back, I hated how pathetic I was. I definitely wasn't seeking any attention or whatsoever, I was genuinely broken but I hated showing the world how weak I was. And I'm no longer all of that now, and I'm happy and proud. I'm genuinely contented and satisfied with my life now. It's not all ups, but I can definitely deal with all the downs. I just swear to never let the downs really drag me down. I will never be down there again. 

I see what last year's resolution had served me, and will continue to serve me for the rest of my life. I would admit entirely that it wouldn't have been this way without meeting my boyfriend, Jon. 

Sometimes in life you meet someone who changes your whole life, in the good way or the bad. I know I will continue to meet people, and definitely many more challenges along the way. I wouldn't say I've been through a lot even though if I tell my stories all at once it does seem like a lot for someone my age (I'm contemplating of blogging them down someday but I'm not sure if I'm ready to let the world know about it) but I've met people with greater problems, and I would say I can better relate and understand people. 

This year, my new year's resolution is to "Be Independent", or rather more independent. I believe we all have a little bit of independence in us, like going to the toilet on our own and stuff, it's still independence. I want to be able to be independent enough to travel on my own, not that I want to, but I want to be able to, which too requires boldness. (that's just an example btw, but I might someday) Jon will be enlisting in May and I understand that I can't be dependent on him like spending everyday with him, I can't be like an overly attached girlfriend (not that I am) even if I wanted to. I will also be meeting new friends in university, if I get into one, which is a whole new environment and experience for me, and I want to be able to deal with eating alone outside and not be scared that people are judging me as a loner. I just wish to be more independent. It will serve me well in so many aspects. I want to be okay with being alone. Like shopping alone, watching a movie alone and stuffs. I want to be able to do that.

Aside from that, I will also like to constantly remind myself to be happy because I really have so many things to be happy about. Xinlerk gave me a mood calendar on X'mas and I made sure to keep my mood at "Splendid" all the time, one was cos I really wanna feel that way everyday and another was so I don't have to flip the calender with over 50 emotions to find the right one that suits my gloomy mood every single day. Lol

With that, I would like to end this post with by saying:

Thank you baby
I love you so much

Photos are taken in Bangkok using Jon's phone, counting down to New Years in club Wip 168
(I'm the happiest girl to be spending New Years with my best of both worlds, bestfriend&boyfriend, and getting my New Year's kisses from them.)

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